I try to lose myself in music. I have encountered many embarrassing moments that tend to intimidate me. Especially when I'm around this boy I used to like.
I find it hard to express my feelings and so I may sound a little odd or over exaggerating. But I don't feel right and sometimes I get these feelings of confusion and even hesitation. It feels like I don't get support or I just don't want any. Many times I would stop what I was doing and ask myself 'what's wrong with me?'. Yet I never quite got an answer, most probably because I can't choke out the truth from beneath.
I'm scared that if people know me for who I really am, they will hate me and turn away. I'm scared that I will get hurt and most probably think of that thought I had over a year ago. I don't want to hold a knife or scissors over my wrists any more and I don't want to taste pills on my tongue. I don't want to see my damp face from tears in the mirror and my smudged make up under my eyes.